Dear Dad,

"It's getting to where we only see you every time you want something."
-False, I come and visit everytime I'm in town. (about once every other week)

"Boyfriends come and go, but these people are going to stick around for a while."
-Wives come and go too apparently.

"These people are a family."
-Yes, they're a family. They have eachother and they make up a family. They aren't my family, I don't know them very well. You and I are family. They're your "new family" now because they seem to be everything you think about.

"You're at the age where you get a choice to be apart of this family."
-I really don't. If I choose to not be apart then I loose you. You've already chosen them over me a few times. The bunch of you went to Festival of Lights (which is going on for atleast a month) instead of coming to my band concert (which only happens once).

I really hate feeling this gap between us. I wish we spent more time together like we used to. I liked when I had to learn to drive because I saw you once a week at times. When I found out about the divorce I was torn but also a little glad because I thought I saw an opportunity for us to have more time together. It's a shame I was wrong because I think we could both use it. Although, if we had a day together I think you would realize I'm a different person than you think and I would realize you're different also, and I'm not sure if there would be a positive outcome. After everything, I still think the world of you and I understand that things are weird. I understand that with my age you're probably not going to take me seriously. But please, treat me like an adult. Please get to know me. And please remember that when it all comes down to it, I'm your only true daughter and I love you and I'm always here.

It tears me apart knowing this is the closest I'll ever get to telling you everything. Because we can't confrontational people, and I don't want to open a can of worms. I'm just writing to get it out of my system.

Love,
Your Daughter

Aggravated Doesn't Even Cut It

Don't you dare come crying, "I'm a terrible person." and expect me to show you sympathy. Because that's what you are and I'm fucking sick of being treated like this. Fuck you.

Christmas, 2010

This was a good Christmas. I recieved a Tomtom from my grandparents, a laptop from my dad, and a new camera from my mom and Lowell. I also got some gift cards to cover gas. I enjoyed spending time with my family and I can't wait to see my fabulous boyfriend tomorrow.

I've been playing with my new camera:






ya digg?

I Think the World Would be Much More Beautiful in Black and While

City and Colour - Love Don't Live Here Anymore

I'm in a very good mood, but I wanted to post this song because I really like it.

Love, Love, Love (Love, Love) - As Tall As Lions

Zink showed me this song. I really like this band now.
December 17, 2010
:)

Zink and I just sat in walmart's parking lot and ate food.
Fruit gushers, marshmallows, sobe life water, and kitkats while listening to jass and people watching.

seriously one of my favorite people.

I can’t go on
Deflate the air from both of my lungs
Fears one by one followed me home
And became reality

I’m a failure, I’m a freak
I’m a chip on your shoulder
Last thing you need
Shudder earthquakes at the thought
Of a life that’s meaningless
And with such a promising past
That you can always count on me
To choke the end

I can’t go on
Deflate the air from both of my lungs
I’ll be gone long before daylight shows its face
Well honestly I’m taking big stride
In a race toward normalcy

Where more is more and less is weak
Where love is crap
Emotion speaks for us all
What’s really right
Who’s who to say
I can survive alone again
Figured that out the hardest way
The forecast calls for fire
Flame sounds nice today

I can’t go on
Deflate the air from both of my lungs
I’ll be gone long before daylight shows its face
It’s old and worn and its mouth smiles no more
Now I’m worth my weight in potting soil
Maybe I tried too hard to care
I left a note on your bed
I don’t recall what it said
Something like how I’m completely miserable
And how I’m better off dead

I can’t go on
Deflate the air from both of my lungs
I’ll be gone long before daylight shows its face
Its old and worn and its mouth smiles no more
I’m worth my weight in potting soil
Maybe I tried too hard to care
I can’t go on
Deflate the air from both of my lungs
-Bayside,I Can't Go On

This is my favorite song. It's also how I feel half the time.

Me in Two Words:

Ben Folds Five - Brick

You People Make Me Sick,

I've done everything for you. I've sat through all your crap. And I've helped you through hard times and all I do is get overlooked. Grow up, seriously.

Ultimately the thing I have to fear the most is myself.
I decide whether or not I get something done.
I decide how I react to things.
I make choices for myself.
I'm my biggest mistake.

I've got a hunger
Twisting my stomach into knots
That my tongue was tied off

My brain's repeating
"if you've got an impulse let it out"
But they never make it past my mouth.

Baa bah, this is the sound of settling
Baa bah, baa bah

Our youth is fleeting
Old age is just around the bend
And i can't wait to go grey

And i'll sit and wonder
Of every love that could've been
If i'd only thought of something charming to say.

Baa bah, this is the sound of settling
Baa bah, baa bah


I've got a hunger twisting my stomach into knots.

-Death Cab for Cutie, Sound of Settling

November 27, 2010

I'm falling down. Down, down, down.
I'm losing ground. It's falling from beneath my feet.
I'm falling down, I'm losing ground, and no one's tried to pick me up.

You thought you knew me, I did too. But we were wrong.
And after all of this, post realizing what lies ahead, I don't care.

Rollin'

My car, my step towards independence, my love, my get away, my life.

I lol'd

I Want to Love, I Want to be Loved

"Here I go, scream my lungs out and try to get to you
You are my only one
I let go, but there's just no one who gets me like you do
You are my only, my only one"
-Only One by Yellowcard

I sing this song late at night when I drive in my car. It makes me feel lonely but happy at the same time because I know I'm singing it with someone in mind. I wish I knew for sure who my "only one" was though. I know I'm young but it seems like some people are able to find the right person at a young age. I'm not sure if I could do that because I like change but at the same time I really like security.

"There's just no one, no one like you
You are my only one"

Time

I made this sometime last year.
Time always changes and yet it always is the same.
Time runs all of us, I runs the world.
Time.

I should probably stop using my blog to bitch so..

I've lost 10 pounds! :D

"I've been going crazy I don't want to waste another minute here"

"Manage me, I'm a mess
Turn a page, I'm a book half unread
I wanna be laughed at, laughed with, just because
I wanna feel weightless and that should be enough

But I'm stuck in this fucking rut
Waiting on a second-hand pick-me-up
And I'm over getting older

If I could just find the time
Then I would never let another day go by
I'm over getting old

Maybe it's not my weekend but it's gonna be my year
And I'm so sick of watching while the minutes pass as I go nowhere
And this is my reaction to everything I fear
'Cause I've been going crazy, I don't wanna waste another minute here

Make believe that I impress
That every word, by design, turns a head
I wanna feel reckless, wanna live it up just because
I wanna feel weightless 'cause that would be enough

If I could just find the time
Then I would never let another day go by
I'm over getting old

Maybe it's not my weekend but it's gonna be my year
And I'm so sick of watching while the minutes pass as I go nowhere
And this is my reaction to everything I fear
'Cause I've been going crazy, I don't wanna waste another minute here

This could be all I've waited for
(I've waited, I've waited for)
And this could be everything I don't wanna dream anymore

Maybe it's not my weekend but it's gonna be my year
And I've been going crazy, I'm stuck in here

Maybe it's not my weekend but it's gonna be my year
(It's gonna be my year)
And I'm so sick of watching while the minutes pass as I go nowhere
(Go nowhere)
And this is my reaction to everything I fear
(Everything I fear)
'Cause I've been going crazy, I don't wanna waste another minute here"
-All Time Low, Weightless

you can say "then they're not worth your time" and it's true, but coming to terms with it and truly being able to let them go is the hardest part. Because I know then I say , "I'll be here for you no matter what" and "I'll be here for you for til the end of time" I mean it, Fiona Apple once sang ,"forever is a promise you can't afford to break" and that's true.
Sad part is I could go on about how I feel and he'll never see this. He'll never open his eyes to what he's putting me through. Never will I be referred to at "Heatherlyn" in conversation, only "my ex". And I will never get that one romance that I never let go of. I didn't break it off, he did, and his heart wasn't even fully in the break up, he still told me he loved me. I think that's the hardest part -knowing there are/were still feelings there but nothing will ever be the same.
"Don't let go to let me know that this is over
And maybe I held on to long but now, I see
The life I left was not the best, and I no longer believe
You're not the one I knew but i'll stay true to my heart and myself

And then I find myself alone out here
Thinking of what we could have been
And I know this loneliness is not for me
And then I find myself alone out here
Thinking of what we could have been
And I know this loneliness is not for me
We should be together for eternity"
-A Change of Pace, Pearl Summer

I'm so Confused.

If you've got someone fighting to stay in your life, why push them out?
If there is someone that only wants to help you and make you happy, why drop them off the planet?

Goals:

1. Make cd about working at Kroger
2. Find myself
3. Become crazy cat lady
4. Eat healthier and lose 15lbs
5. Get my paycheck
6. Raise my grades
7. Get a fish bowl for Herbert, Melvin, and Franklin
8. Go on a date or at least talk to someone
9. Purchase and electric guitar and learn how to play it
10. Have a good day -one day where nothing wrong happens
11. Do laundry
12. Realize who I need to keep and get rid of in my life

This is Me

I'm going to change something every day to make everyday something new. This way, I will always go to bed looking forward to the next day. My days will be extraordinary, I refuse to live an ordinary life.

Another complaint:
I'm tired of being in school and being told what to do/how to do things. I'm perfectly aware of how to take care of myself. I'd rather be out working, making money and starting a life for myself than have people tell me y=mx+b.

October 2, 2010

Realization:
We had good memories, together we shared tons of laughs and shed a few tears. Our hearts were bursting at the seems with love, we thought we had a good chance of really making something. I'd give anything to share these moments with you again, to bring back the laughter and love. Things aren't looking too good but at least I can say I tried.
Letting go is never easy; I'll always keep hanging on. I'll be here for now, but when you finally realize what we could have been I might not still be here waiting. I can't sit here and wait for someone that only seems to want me 40% of the time. I'm always here for you, where are you for me?

Sincerely,
The girl that you now only refer to as "my ex".
The person that always wanted to make you happy no matter what.
The kitten that stood outside your door step waiting to be let in.
The one that wanted to be with you no matter what.
The individual that wanted to work things out.
The woman that just realized what she's really worth.
Heatherlyn

If I had a dime for every time I heard, "High school is the best 4 years of your life." I would be a millionaire. I don't enjoy high school, I spend most of my time feeling like I could do more with my life. I could be out working, earning a living -getting a start on "life". I could be out fighting in Iraq, or helping children in Africa. I could be out fighting for a cause and making something of myself. But, I can't because I spend the better part of my days in a brick-walled penitentiary doing menial tasks pretending to learn. Let me go to college so I can start my life. I'm sixteen years old, I'm in my youth, full of passion and bursting with ideas.
Other than I feel like I could be doing more with my life than being in school, I don't feel like students are treated equally. Yes, we are younger and yes, we have not been to college yet, but that doesn't mean that our ideas should be ignored. I would like some equality in the public school system. No one likes to be ignored or looked down upon.
Spending all my time looking at the flaws with my high school experience and not enjoying it. What if these are the best four years of my life and I'm too busy being negative to realize it?

September 30, 2010

Hello darkness, my old friend.
I’ve come to strangle you in spite of what you’d like.
And don’t be a rascal, don’t be a laughing dog in spite of odds .
All I’m deciphering from the spirits in the light within.

First Cincinnati Youth Wind Ensemble and it was pretty fun. I got to lead the Name Game which really made my night.
"Hi, my name is Heatherlyn, I go to Scott High School, and... I'm an alcoholic..." -small chuckles.. then more people laugh- "No, not really. Let's try this again... My name is Heatherlyn and I have a baby...." -dead silence, people looking at me in awe- "...turtle at home named Godzilla!" -burst of laughter-

Wednesday, September 8, 2010

"We're supposed to lose the ones that we love. How else would be know how important they are to us?"

September 3, 2010

I'm an idiot. Oh well, tonight I'm going to a party so maybe I can get my mind off things.

Wednesday, September 1, 2010

"You do your thing and I do my thing. You are you and I am I. And, if, in the end, we end up together, it's beautiful." Boy Meets World hit it right on the dot.

I had a pretty good day today. Everything went smooth for the most part. Life is full of experiences, I'm glad I have people behind me for all of them, the good and the bad.

School wore me out today. Still going out to try and fix things, we'll see what happens. I start counseling next week maybe it'll help things start to work.

Really?

In school we learned about depression and suicide and I have 6 of 7 symptoms. Told my parents, and they laughed. Glad they care. That's fucking pathetic. "Get over yourself and stop being depressed."

Another Year

In 8 hours and 33 minutes I will start my junior year of high school. Drama, drugs, and another year of pretending to give a fuck. I'm really not looking forward to this year because I just started to enjoy my summer, I got the boyfriend, the friends, and my drivers license. On the bright side I get to see my friends again and it gets me out of the house. I guess we'll see how this goes, it's going to be a year like none of the rest I can tell. Honestly, I'm a bit worried about how things will play out. Let's hope for the best!

I am a Waste

When life gets you down what escape do you have? Lately I've been finding myself sleeping all day long in order to escape from reality and myself. I'm 16 years old and unsatisfied with myself and my life. My question is, what will I go to when sleep isn't enough? Do I step to drugs, alcohol, or sex? No matter what I do I'm always going to wake back up and fall into my pit of existence not feeling good enough for this world. NO matter how hard I try I'll always bee back in this situation, this feeling, this helplessness. What will I go to that will end this feeling? What is my permanent escape? The only answer I can find is death. An eternal slumber that I'll never wake from. I'll never have to wake back up into this state of unsatisfactory. The only question is, when will I reach my limit to make ma actually do it?

What Am I Doing?

Have you ever stopped and said to yourself, "What am I doing?" and not been able to give yourself an answer? Or how about had a total freak out and feel the need for an escape?
I'm in the middle of my freak out. One time my mom said to me, "Well college isn't for everyone. Except you, you have to go to college." (Later I found out she just told me this so I wouldn't join the marine corps band) I will never forget the conversation because I have never felt so pressured into doing something. Maybe I don't want to college! It's not that I don't really want to go, it's just that I don't know what I want to do with my life. I don't really even see the point because I'm not going to amount to anything in my career. I'm never going to be that hero that I want to be for people. This year I will be a junior in high school, I have two more years to figure out what to do. I can never figure out what to wear in the morning, how am I supposed to figure out what I want to do? I have to go to college, I have to be successful. Why? Because it's expected and if I don't I'll be letting down my whole family. Hell, my dad won't even let me go to Northern Kentucky University because he doesn't think it's good enough. But my father is a future blog post.
I've found myself in this twist of thoughts on my educational future many many times and it bothers me because I feel like no matter what I do I'll never pick the right choice and it'll never be the right one. What's my escape? Right now it's sleeping and thoughts of running away but never doing it. But once sleeping isn't good enough what is my escape going to be? My eternal escape would be suicide. Ending my life would solve all my problems but cause many more problems for the people around me which is the last thing I want.
Death is another thing that bothers me. Recently I went to a funeral with my dad and his new fiance. I didn't know the man that died and my dad didn't know him very well either but as the preacher was talking I looked over at dad and he was about to cry. (I'm positive my dad is afraid of death) I sat there and observed everyone crying around me and it made me realize that I don't want there to be tons of people crying over me when I die. Then again, I don't want to die and go unnoticed. So do I make good of my life and hurt tons of people when I die or do I slip under the radar so hardly anyone will hurt and miss me?

Something Old, Something New, and Something Blue.

I'm getting happy again and becoming my own person. I can't sit around and expect everything to get better when I sit around with a negative attitude. Life is what we make it, might as well make it good.

Something Old: My positive attitude.
Something New: A hair cut and a new beginning.
Something Blue: Well, I haven't gotten that far yet.

I'm Glad We Don't Have Time Machines

I have a feeling that if my past 12 year old self could come and meet me now she'd be very ashamed. I wanted to be top of my class, driving as soon as I could, thin, smart, and respectful of myself and others. Most of all I never wanted to let people change me. In my past years I was always proud of being different and odd but somewhere alone the line I got tired of it and all I wanted to be accepted. So here I am, I feel like I have officially lost touch with myself and honestly I can't say that I'm upset by it. I know it sounds "emo" but I don't feel anything about who/what I am. I'm completely numb to my life at the moment. I'm never going to go anywhere or make anything of myself, so why try?

I'm so Out of the Loop

In my art class the we formed a little group of girls that would talk about everything, menstruation, boys, classes, clothes, ect. One topic that always came up was having children! I was the only one that didn't want any of them, which they found to be a good thing because they didn't think I should be allowed to reproduce anyway.
My main worry with having kids in the future is, what if I didn't like my child? What if it was the most annoying thing in the world? How would you get rid of it? I would just try to sell in on Craigslist and Ebay if I could. If that didn't work I'd resort to standing outside with a sign reading, "will work if you take my kids".
I guess I'm doomed to be that old lady with cats, which is totally fine with me! I love animals, they can't talk.

Cabbage Crotch

Today I was in the shower, and I smelled something awful. I knew I didn't fart so I was totally bewildered by what the smell was. By the end of my shower I convinced myself it was my cooter, unsure as to why it suddenly smelled so bad. I finally get done, embarrassed by the smell and already writing out the forum question about it on my latest cult on Vampire Freaks,Vaginal. As soon as I walk out of the bathroom and into the kitchen I realized what the smell was. My mom was cooking cabbage.

This Comes in My Head at the Worst Times

If This Doesn't Speak to Children I Don't Know What Will

The H8r Club

A few weeks ago I realized I ran out of Pop-tarts so I decided to just get some at school. While I was standing in the line waiting to pay I couldn't help but over hear the 2 freshman girls in front of me. The conversation went like this:
girl 1: "And so I sent her a message on Myspace tellin' that bitch to watch herself because like I ain't dealin with it"
girl 2: "Like totally she best watch herself because I'll kick that hoe's ass"
girl 1: "Yeah, and then she was like 'whatever' and I was like 'fine be in the hater club' "
girl 2: "Who needs these fuckin' haters I'm so tired of them"

Yeah, everyone wants to be like you and we all hate you and we decided to make a The H8r Club. Because bragging about telling bitches off on Myspace is the coolest thing ever! After seeing them in the breakfast line I went out and got a fake tan, bleached my hair blonde, and then paid $80 for a pair of ripped jeans that are too small for me. Ugh, public school system at it's finest.

Flower Power

I'm crazy about flowers from the living things to prints and photos. They're so beautiful and elegant. I really want a new flower print dress and maybe even paint my room pink had decorate it with red rose flower objects and prints. I think it would be cute.

3 little letters: S E X

I'm not one for sex or anything to do with it but lately I've been watching a lot of TV and movies and the thought of it has been swimming around in my head more than it used to. Maybe it's just hormones but I think media has contributed to my thoughts. If I were to go out and have sex I wouldn't blame the media for it because I can't really blame something like TV for my actions but I do believe that it is putting the idea in my head. From TV I get that it is more acceptable to do it as an adult (and I totally agree/understand that) but it also endorses that someone can do it carelessly as an adult (I don't think it's right but is it true?) As an adult do you pay more or less attention to who you have sex with and how much as you would as a teenager?
I think the public has gotten too comfortable with the idea of sex and nudity. Now whenever I see a sex scene in a movie or a set of boobs on the internet I'm not bothered by it at all. It's almost become a normality in 2010 and even before that.
Yes, it's a part of life BUT I believe it's something to be kept secret. I'm to go out and have sex I wouldn't shout it for the world to here. I would probably just keep it between me and the person I did it with and maybe a close friend or too. In my head PDA in general shouldn't happen, no one wants to look over and see a couple making out. It's just gross. A hug and a peck is alright but if you're going to have your tongue down someone's throat do it where no one has to bare looking at it.

I..Like you?

"You don't have to love someone to be with them."
I like this quote because I feel like people get into relationships and say that they love each other but I think as a teenager you don't really know what love is. Now, I'm not saying that as a teenager you can't love, it's just that you don't really know what love is so you're not going to know. The words "I love you" shouldn't be thrown around as much as it is, or that's how I feel. I guess what I'm really meaning to say is, you don't need to say I love you to your boyfriend/girlfriend just because you're in a relationship. Say it when you know you love them.

I Love My High School Band

Some Little Things.

I have a freckle on the side of my right hand below my pinky finger and it always bothers me. And below my wrist on my right arm I have have 3 freckles that form an isosceles triangle and I always want to connect them.
The nail on my pointer fingers have longer nail beds than my other fingers and my middle finger nails are smaller and it always bothers me. The tips of my ring and middle finger are bent inwards to each other and they create a gap and I always stare at it.
I've got tiny little scars all around my hands but you can't see them unless the light is hitting them just right, it always catches me by surprise.
Every time I sneeze I sneeze 5 times in a row and I get embarrassed.

If I Were a Rose

I wish I had tiny little hands with tiny little fingers and perfectly painted nails.
I wish I had tiny little arms that are smooth as a baby's bottom.
I wish I had a tiny little frame with the perfect little curves.
I wish I had a tiny little belly button in the perfect spot.
I wish I had tiny little legs that fit perfectly in my tiny little jeans.
I wish I had tiny little feet with tiny little toes that looked perfect in my chucks.

The Sound of Angles

This song never fails to get to me and get me in one of the best moods ever! It's so beautiful! Playing it is simple but it is so rich and the chords are beautiful. Wanger is amazing. I've been playing this in my head for the past week and I cannot get it out of my head, I want this to be played at my wedding (if don't end up living with cats). This can be played at my funeral too, along with Amazing Grace and Irish Tune from Country Derry because they are simply beautiful. Sometimes I get on the fence about music and then when I listen to something like Elsa's Procession to the Cathedral I know why I want to keep playing. Releasing emotions through is like a high and all you want is more, more, more. I can never get enough. I love sitting in a concert hall or even on stage and feel goosebumps all over my body from the music. It's amazing and I can never get enough.

Line? Where?!

Apparently I'm the only one that thinks I'm funny. Mostly because there seems to be this invisible like that says when you're not supposed to say things. It doesn't make a whole lot of sense to me because if I can't see the actual line, how would I know if I crossed it? Not only that but the line is all a matter of opinion! What I might think was to crude for a joke someone else might not! It just puzzles me when people get mad about it.

The Only Support I Get is from My Bra

I'm tired of feeling like I only have two or three people supporting me in what I do. I was really about to give up until I received some advice, "the only person you perform for is yourself." And really it's true!
It's not just no one showing up to my concerts that bothers me, it's the fact that it feels like no one supports me as a person. I'm sick of hearing "stop being this thing you're trying to be" I didn't realize that the world had a preset mold of who I am. I'm pretty sure that I am my own person and I'm just being myself. Yeah, people change and I'm changing and I probably always will be changing. And somehow I'm still the same Heatherlyn I always have been and always will be. I've recently decided to start dressing nicer, that doesn't mean I'm trying to be something I'm not, I just like being presentable.
So, when I say, "The only support I get is from my bra" I'm really just calling out to see if someone has my back because it sure has hell doesn't feel like it.

Why Does the Universe Decide to Crap All Over Me?

It seems like every time something bad happens, ten other bad things happen all in the same day.
For example, on my 16th birthday: I couldn't go anywhere because I had to babysit my brother, I had to make my own birthday cake, my cake got burned and fell apart, I bit my lip open, school was canceled so I didn't get to see anyone, my contact got stuck underneath my eyelid, and the lady at the DMV yelled at me for not having all my papers.
And then there is today, when I woke up at 6:50am (I have to leave to go to school around 7) I still needed a shower and then dry my hair, do my homework, and get ready. Then there was the getting violently ill in 2nd period and not being allowed to leave, that was great. Finding out my miracle reed got a huge split in it really made band interesting considering Concert Band Festival this Saturday. Oh later Kevin and I get to have a "talk" because I made some comments that upset him. I knew when I said it that I shouldn't have but the fact that I said it hasn't ever come up until now. I really hope this doesn't turn into anything big, I was really starting to value our relationship and bought my prom dress.

Maury, You've Taught Me So Much

Today while watching Maury I realized; why do we need hospitality classes when we could just watch Maury? The show teaches you how NOT to treat people so just do the opposite of what they do on the show! It also teaches you to keep track of who you have sex with so you don't end up coming on the show 12 times and still not finding your baby's daddy. I wonder what their family thinks when they see them on the show. How would you feel if you saw your daughter on the show trying to find the babies daddy?
But really, Kenton County schools want to save money, just have us watch Maury and Jerry Springer instead of paying people to teach parenting, hospitality, and relationships.

Sweats: My Comfy Enemy

I absolutely hate when people wear sweatpants to school everyday. Jeans ARE NOT YOUR ENEMY but dressing like you've just got out of bed everyday is. I'm not trying to sound superficial but it bothers me.
Another pet peeves is the UGG boots tucked into sweats. Tan doesn't really go with any color and tucking them in to your pants doesn't hide the ugliness. I understand they're comfortable but come on!
Lastly, I don't know what to say about the matching sweatpants and hoodie outfits. They bother me beyond belief beacause in no way do they look nice. They remind me of Regina George's mom off Mean Girls because that's all she's wearing the entire movie. I think what really set me off about them today is a girl in one of my classes was wearing a nice shirt with a matching light blue "sweat suit". THE NICE SHIRT DOESN'T CANCEL IT OUT! At least her pants weren't tucked into UGG boots. I might have puked.

Hello Prom, Meet Morals

I've got my prom dress all picked out and I can't be more excited about it! It's been on my mind like crazy! I just love dances because everyone is dressed up so nicely. The nice thing about prom is that the guys are all wearing tuxes, and everyone can pull off a tux. But there is one thing that bothers me, apparently it's "tradition" to have sex on prom night. Well, I'm sorry but I'm going to have to break tradition here because I have this thing called morals and I don't think it's right. If you're going to do it then, then go ahead but there's no reason to do it as "tradition". The only time you should have sex is when you're both ready, not because of prom. Girls spend way to much money on dresses to get semen all over them!

I Won't Sit Down and I Won't Shut Up

I'm tired of sitting around and being cautious. I understand that people need to grow but I'm 16 and I've decided that I'm going to live a little. I'm really sure what I'm going to do yet but it's time to get out there and do SOMETHING. Maybe I'm sounding a little immature but I want to have fun! Live life to the fullest or close to that! Maybe then I'll have some interesting stories to tell.

"Just Feeling Like It" Obviously Not Good Enough

I've recently decided that I want to start dressing nicer so I started to buy clearance dresses and such and I'm enjoying myself. Everyday I get a, "You look nice, why are you so dressed up?" Now, I don't mind being asked but then when I reply with a "I just feel like it." I get a look like I'm crazy. I don't understand why I look like a crazy person because I want to look presentable.

I'M SO FREAKING POPULAR!

I've went from 1 follower to 4 followers! This is so awesome! Now I feel bad for not blogging but there's really nothing that I can think of to write. My life is very uneventful. I've been busy preparing for auditions and still not getting anything done (how does that happen?)

Things That Make Me Happy.

1. Orange Bell Peppers
2. Octopi and Squid
3. Playing Orchestral Music
4. The sound of an acoustic guitar
5. Bonfires
6. Animals
7. Making people laugh
8. Being out late
9. Seeing that my blog has views
10. Driving
11. Good photography
12. Taking things apart and rebuilding them
13. Doodles
14. Having the family all together
15. Staying up late on the phone
16. Flowers
17. Flower prints
18. Dressing fancy

and a few others..

I haven't posted in a awhile mostly because I can't think of anything to post. I dyed my hair, woo! Uhh.. yeah. I'm not very exciting this late. I'm pretty worn out but it's one of those nights where I'm exhausted but I can't sleep and I can't sleep because I feel extremely lonely. Isn't that weird? It totally is! And I run into it almost every night! It's driving me crazy, I just want to sleep!
This picture of me isn't very flattering but it is me right now. I just realized that this lap top has a web came built in on it. Now I'm so scared about playing Mafia Wars in the nude, I might be streaming and some 40 year old could be watching me and I'd never know it! I'm just kidding, I know he was watching, and I'd be just fine with it.
I hate how men and be so creepy and gross around each other but once I do it it I have no friends. I think it's funny but everyone else just finds it weird. Maybe I was born a man but somehow I was born with a vagina but I'm a man inside! No.. that's just weird. Maybe I'm just more outgoing.. yeah, I think I'll stick with that.

I Love My Turtle

Godzilla is about 4 or 5 months old. She was found in the Little Miami River in Ohio. She was the only one we found our entire trip! Even though she spends most of her time buried under her rocks, she's the coolest turtle ever. Occasionally we will watch a movie and she will sit in the palm of my hand and watch it too. (Yeah, she likes her movies.) She's well behaved, since she's in her aquarium i don't have to worry about her going out and getting a tattoo and her nipple pierced; she's responsible. And now that she is eating more frequently she is even more epic! I named her Godzilla because she is tiny, and I love the irony. She is smaller than the palm of my hand! The nice thing about her is that she can't really bite. The only bad thing she has done is pee in my hand once (it was gross and totally unexpected) I love turtles, they rule.

What's Today Again?

I'm loosing track of the days so quickly now! Before I know it I'm going to be 35! Summer seems to be going by so quickly and I don't even know what day of the week it is! My schedule always gets messed up because eventually I stop caring about the date and time and I'm off in my own little world.

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My Swe Dictionary

Hej mitt namn är Heatherlyn och jag är en amerikan:hi my name is Heatherlyn and i am an American

jag gillar min pojckvän: I love my boyfriend

jag älskar musik: i love music

gott nytt år: happy new year

det är kallt i sverige: it is cold Swe

godjul: merry christmas

bara bra: just fine

hur är vädret: how is the weather

hejdå: bye