What Am I Doing?

Have you ever stopped and said to yourself, "What am I doing?" and not been able to give yourself an answer? Or how about had a total freak out and feel the need for an escape?
I'm in the middle of my freak out. One time my mom said to me, "Well college isn't for everyone. Except you, you have to go to college." (Later I found out she just told me this so I wouldn't join the marine corps band) I will never forget the conversation because I have never felt so pressured into doing something. Maybe I don't want to college! It's not that I don't really want to go, it's just that I don't know what I want to do with my life. I don't really even see the point because I'm not going to amount to anything in my career. I'm never going to be that hero that I want to be for people. This year I will be a junior in high school, I have two more years to figure out what to do. I can never figure out what to wear in the morning, how am I supposed to figure out what I want to do? I have to go to college, I have to be successful. Why? Because it's expected and if I don't I'll be letting down my whole family. Hell, my dad won't even let me go to Northern Kentucky University because he doesn't think it's good enough. But my father is a future blog post.
I've found myself in this twist of thoughts on my educational future many many times and it bothers me because I feel like no matter what I do I'll never pick the right choice and it'll never be the right one. What's my escape? Right now it's sleeping and thoughts of running away but never doing it. But once sleeping isn't good enough what is my escape going to be? My eternal escape would be suicide. Ending my life would solve all my problems but cause many more problems for the people around me which is the last thing I want.
Death is another thing that bothers me. Recently I went to a funeral with my dad and his new fiance. I didn't know the man that died and my dad didn't know him very well either but as the preacher was talking I looked over at dad and he was about to cry. (I'm positive my dad is afraid of death) I sat there and observed everyone crying around me and it made me realize that I don't want there to be tons of people crying over me when I die. Then again, I don't want to die and go unnoticed. So do I make good of my life and hurt tons of people when I die or do I slip under the radar so hardly anyone will hurt and miss me?