Tuesday, October 4, 2011
Sunday, October 2, 2011
In a Nut Shell
I said so many things that I wouldn't have normally said and I did so many things that I never would have done. Honestly, I'm just trying to find myself. Heatherlyn, wake up. Douse me with cold water, burn me with a hot rod, beat me until I bleed; wake me up. I'm kicking my teeth in to figure this all out. Who am I? What am I? What do I like? Who do I like? Who are my friends? What's stopping me?
Saturday, June 4, 2011
WOOO!
In April I hit the scale at 175lb. This morning I weighed in at 157.3. Yeah, I'm pretty happy.
Thursday, May 26, 2011
Tribute to Mr. Hanner Baseball Game
They took some band kids to a baseball game, and I photographed it. We're more than a band, we're a family.
Sunday, May 22, 2011
Monday, May 9, 2011
Ch-Ch-Changes
I'm constantly in a cycle of change. This time I feel like I am in a step in the right direction. I've started to actually eat healthy and eat a lot of fruits and vegetables along with watching my portions. I've also started to take better care of my things and clean up after myself.
I'm content with most things, I can feel on the inside I am becoming a better person. Now all I need to work on is keeping my stress level down and spending more time with my boyfriend.
I'm content with most things, I can feel on the inside I am becoming a better person. Now all I need to work on is keeping my stress level down and spending more time with my boyfriend.
Sunday, April 24, 2011
DNA by Being
I am a battlefield within my
Character.
I’m not sure why
This division draws the line
Between this fissure.
Please explain the separation
This composure can’t define.
It creates unseen relation
Between what I am inside.
There is the world around us,
All its own.
Then there’s the world within us,
All alone.
I am both the Vessel and sea,
Both the voyage and the journey,
Both beginning and the ending, ON!
There’s no controlling it.
At least there isn’t yet.
Despite this we regret,
The changes we beget.
Don’t need to think about it,
Thinking won’t bring about it.
Forget your dreams about it,
Wasting my time.
They say these bonds control me
Create all that implores me
Dictates the life before me
Fate in my mind
But it cannot create a
Person who lives today a
Human who paves the way an'
Breaks from the line.
There is a will about us
And nothing can confound us,
Or ever get around us.
We are mankind.
We are so much more than what the dreams tell us
We are so much more than what our dreams tell us
We are so much more than those who come before us
We are so much more than common life would let us be
People really think that this is a right instead of a privilige
You will see people living
The brilliant mind helps you to be who you want to be
We're on the brink of making this evolution more than reality
So if you think this will just be handed to you,
There's a penalty.
Don’t need to think about it,
Thinking won’t bring about it.
Forget your dreams about it,
Wasting my time.
They say these bonds control me
Create all that implores me
Dictates the life before me
Fate in my mind
But it cannot create a
Person who lives today a
Human who paves the way an'
Breaks from the line.
There is a will about us
And nothing can confound us,
Or ever get around us.
We are mankind.
Don’t need to think about it,
Thinking won’t bring about it.
Forget your dreams about it,
Wasting my time.
They say these bonds control me
Create all that implores me
Dictates the life before me
Fate in my mind
But it cannot create a
Person who lives today a
Human who paves the way an'
Breaks from the line.
There is a will about us
And nothing can confound us,
Or ever get around us.
We are mankind.
Character.
I’m not sure why
This division draws the line
Between this fissure.
Please explain the separation
This composure can’t define.
It creates unseen relation
Between what I am inside.
There is the world around us,
All its own.
Then there’s the world within us,
All alone.
I am both the Vessel and sea,
Both the voyage and the journey,
Both beginning and the ending, ON!
There’s no controlling it.
At least there isn’t yet.
Despite this we regret,
The changes we beget.
Don’t need to think about it,
Thinking won’t bring about it.
Forget your dreams about it,
Wasting my time.
They say these bonds control me
Create all that implores me
Dictates the life before me
Fate in my mind
But it cannot create a
Person who lives today a
Human who paves the way an'
Breaks from the line.
There is a will about us
And nothing can confound us,
Or ever get around us.
We are mankind.
We are so much more than what the dreams tell us
We are so much more than what our dreams tell us
We are so much more than those who come before us
We are so much more than common life would let us be
People really think that this is a right instead of a privilige
You will see people living
The brilliant mind helps you to be who you want to be
We're on the brink of making this evolution more than reality
So if you think this will just be handed to you,
There's a penalty.
Don’t need to think about it,
Thinking won’t bring about it.
Forget your dreams about it,
Wasting my time.
They say these bonds control me
Create all that implores me
Dictates the life before me
Fate in my mind
But it cannot create a
Person who lives today a
Human who paves the way an'
Breaks from the line.
There is a will about us
And nothing can confound us,
Or ever get around us.
We are mankind.
Don’t need to think about it,
Thinking won’t bring about it.
Forget your dreams about it,
Wasting my time.
They say these bonds control me
Create all that implores me
Dictates the life before me
Fate in my mind
But it cannot create a
Person who lives today a
Human who paves the way an'
Breaks from the line.
There is a will about us
And nothing can confound us,
Or ever get around us.
We are mankind.
I Hate People
But I never want to feel alone.
I'm twisted into a love-hate relationship with the world around me.
I'm twisted into a love-hate relationship with the world around me.
Sunday, April 17, 2011
Wednesday, April 6, 2011
I'm Simple
Sit and watch movies with me, and I'll love you. Bake a cake with me and we'll always have fun. Pay some attention to me, and I promise you'll enjoy me. Listen to me talk about something I care about and you'll realize I'm not as stupid as I look. Come to me with a problem and it'll be clear I'll do anything to help. Love me, and I'll never turn my back. Replace me and watch me never come back.
Monday, April 4, 2011
Monday, March 21, 2011
He's Always There
Tonight I broke down, I feel like I entered my funk. My funk is a result of my negativity towards myself and my irresponsibility. I see my flaws more than anyone else and they bother me more than anyone else. I'm aggravated with myself as a human being and all I want is a restart-button.
We got to Eric's house and I cried my eyes out and the whole time he had his arms around me and was wiping away my tears. Occasionally he would kiss me and tell me not to be so hateful towards myself and that I shouldn't always bottle things in. (He's right, he always is.) After my cryfest we got out of the car for one last loving embrace before I had to go back home. He told me he loved me as he leaned down to kiss me with his index finger below my chin. As my head moved upward I hoped he wouldn't see the single tear slowly making it's way down my face. Luckily, the tear swept into the shadow from my nose beneath the moonlight.
When I cry I can see the pain in his eyes. When I lean in for that comforting embrace I can feel the warmth and care radiate off of him. And every time I hear my favorite three words, "I love you", I can feel my heart race with excitement.
He's the one I can always go to no matter what, I can talk to him about anything. In my worst mood he'll find a way to make me smile. He gives me an all over sensation that I can't put into words. He's my best friend. Not only is he my best friend, but he is my oh-so-perfect boyfriend. There's no love like this.
We got to Eric's house and I cried my eyes out and the whole time he had his arms around me and was wiping away my tears. Occasionally he would kiss me and tell me not to be so hateful towards myself and that I shouldn't always bottle things in. (He's right, he always is.) After my cryfest we got out of the car for one last loving embrace before I had to go back home. He told me he loved me as he leaned down to kiss me with his index finger below my chin. As my head moved upward I hoped he wouldn't see the single tear slowly making it's way down my face. Luckily, the tear swept into the shadow from my nose beneath the moonlight.
When I cry I can see the pain in his eyes. When I lean in for that comforting embrace I can feel the warmth and care radiate off of him. And every time I hear my favorite three words, "I love you", I can feel my heart race with excitement.
He's the one I can always go to no matter what, I can talk to him about anything. In my worst mood he'll find a way to make me smile. He gives me an all over sensation that I can't put into words. He's my best friend. Not only is he my best friend, but he is my oh-so-perfect boyfriend. There's no love like this.
Sunday, March 20, 2011
What Do I Want to be When I Grow Up?
I'm going to be a spokesperson for a condom manufacturer and pass out condoms on street while delivering motivational speeches about safe sex.
Thursday, March 10, 2011
Here's My Thoughts:
I need to work harder. I need to learn more. I need to get involved.
Here's what I've done:
Turned in all my work so far. I looked up information on topics I was interested in. I joined JSA today.
now i just need to clean our my car.
Here's what I've done:
Turned in all my work so far. I looked up information on topics I was interested in. I joined JSA today.
now i just need to clean our my car.
Wednesday, March 9, 2011
Sunday, March 6, 2011
I'm Going to be Brutally Honest.
I could walk away from everything except one person and not regret it.
Majority of the time I think about just leaving without any notice and never coming back.
Majority of the time I think about just leaving without any notice and never coming back.
Tuesday, March 1, 2011
You're a joke, You're a sickness.
The thought of me caring about what you think of me is a bigger joke than you.
It's a shame you've waisted you time, money, and reputation on being plastic,
you wouldn't know if something was real if it hit you in the face.
I see you walking around and infecting others,
taking out all the good and feeding on the fake.
To the world you're a nothing but a cold,
a runny nose, a sore throat.
We all have to deal with you but no one wants to.
You're nothing as a person,
there are no redeeming qualities.
You're a walking sickness,
infecting the weak minded.
Once an antidote comes around you'll fight for a bit,
but eventually you'll back down.
It's a shame you've waisted you time, money, and reputation on being plastic,
you wouldn't know if something was real if it hit you in the face.
I see you walking around and infecting others,
taking out all the good and feeding on the fake.
To the world you're a nothing but a cold,
a runny nose, a sore throat.
We all have to deal with you but no one wants to.
You're nothing as a person,
there are no redeeming qualities.
You're a walking sickness,
infecting the weak minded.
Once an antidote comes around you'll fight for a bit,
but eventually you'll back down.
Monday, February 28, 2011
After All, it is My Middle Name
My name is ironic now that I come to think of it. For someone with the middle name of 'Faith', I have very little, almost none. I've lost faith in people, I don't find any in myself, and I find it hard to have faith in a higher being.
Tuesday, February 22, 2011
Between Rupture and Rapture -Thursday
in the veins of the ultraviolet light,
the phosphor is starting a fire
shooting up in the iodine;
its turning on
rupture the wall around my heart
i feel so lost,
i've been shaking. you can't save me
(forget what the doctor said)
every bird in mid-flight is calling out your name
before it hits the window and it sings the rapture
without a second opinion
the chemicals saturate
to counteract the code
through the double-helix we are twisting
(too scared to let this go)
someone call the head nurse
she's coming to the capitol
to wrap us up and throw us in the dirt,
with a dream thats turning off
rupture the wall around my heart
i feel so lost,
i've been shaking. you can't save me
(forget what the doctor said)
every bird in mid-flight is calling out your name
before it hits the window and it sings the rapture
we're coming to the capitol
the distance between us will rupture
coming to the capitol
in our hearts the disease wont touch us
coming to the capitol
love, now its too late
(love) to turn this off
alone is all we are
even when we we feel this close
it's just a lie we believe
these are the words that escape from our lungs,
rupture the wall ive built around my heart
i've been shaking
you can't save me
im turning off
we can't find a way
out of this moment
were lost in a dark hallway
the phosphor is starting a fire
shooting up in the iodine;
its turning on
rupture the wall around my heart
i feel so lost,
i've been shaking. you can't save me
(forget what the doctor said)
every bird in mid-flight is calling out your name
before it hits the window and it sings the rapture
without a second opinion
the chemicals saturate
to counteract the code
through the double-helix we are twisting
(too scared to let this go)
someone call the head nurse
she's coming to the capitol
to wrap us up and throw us in the dirt,
with a dream thats turning off
rupture the wall around my heart
i feel so lost,
i've been shaking. you can't save me
(forget what the doctor said)
every bird in mid-flight is calling out your name
before it hits the window and it sings the rapture
we're coming to the capitol
the distance between us will rupture
coming to the capitol
in our hearts the disease wont touch us
coming to the capitol
love, now its too late
(love) to turn this off
alone is all we are
even when we we feel this close
it's just a lie we believe
these are the words that escape from our lungs,
rupture the wall ive built around my heart
i've been shaking
you can't save me
im turning off
we can't find a way
out of this moment
were lost in a dark hallway
Monday, February 21, 2011
Sleeping Sickness -City and Colour
I awoke, only to find my lungs empty
Through the night, so it seems I'm not breathing
And now my dreams are nothing like they were meant to be
And I'm Breaking Down
I think I'm breaking down
And I'm afraid to sleep because of what haunts me
Such as living with the uncertainties
That I'll never find the words to say
Which would completely explain
Just how I'm breaking down
Someone come, Someone come and save my life
Maybe I'll sleep when I am dead
But now its like the night is taking up sides
With all the worries that occupy the back of my mind
Could it be? This misery will suffice
I've become, the simple souvenir of someone's kill
Like the sea, I'm constantly changing from calm to ill
Madness fills my heart and soul
As if the great divide could swallow me whole
Oh, how I'm breaking down
Someone come, Someone come and save my life
Maybe I'll sleep when I am dead
But now its like the night is taking up sides
With all the worries that occupy the back of my mind
Could it be? This misery will suffice
Someone come, Someone come and save my life
Someone come, Someone come and save my life
Someone come, Someone come and save my life
Could it be? This misery will suffice
Through the night, so it seems I'm not breathing
And now my dreams are nothing like they were meant to be
And I'm Breaking Down
I think I'm breaking down
And I'm afraid to sleep because of what haunts me
Such as living with the uncertainties
That I'll never find the words to say
Which would completely explain
Just how I'm breaking down
Someone come, Someone come and save my life
Maybe I'll sleep when I am dead
But now its like the night is taking up sides
With all the worries that occupy the back of my mind
Could it be? This misery will suffice
I've become, the simple souvenir of someone's kill
Like the sea, I'm constantly changing from calm to ill
Madness fills my heart and soul
As if the great divide could swallow me whole
Oh, how I'm breaking down
Someone come, Someone come and save my life
Maybe I'll sleep when I am dead
But now its like the night is taking up sides
With all the worries that occupy the back of my mind
Could it be? This misery will suffice
Someone come, Someone come and save my life
Someone come, Someone come and save my life
Someone come, Someone come and save my life
Could it be? This misery will suffice
Sunday, February 13, 2011
"Find Your Dream"
My Algebra 2 teacher gave my class some life advice and told us to find a dream and try our best achieve it. "Try to be the best you can be so you can live up to your highest potential and you can do anything."
Honestly, my dream cannot be achieved in academics. I don't want a big fancy job, I don't want a lot of money, and I can live without walking the red carpet. All I want is a family. I want to get out of high school, move out, get married, and have a family. I want people to take care of. I want love. I want someone to grow old with. I want a house that I can clean up and decorate. I'll take a secretary job, or something along those lines. My dream isn't in a money making career, it's in a memory making one.
If I had to choose a dream job it would probably be in the arts or speaking.
Honestly, my dream cannot be achieved in academics. I don't want a big fancy job, I don't want a lot of money, and I can live without walking the red carpet. All I want is a family. I want to get out of high school, move out, get married, and have a family. I want people to take care of. I want love. I want someone to grow old with. I want a house that I can clean up and decorate. I'll take a secretary job, or something along those lines. My dream isn't in a money making career, it's in a memory making one.
If I had to choose a dream job it would probably be in the arts or speaking.
Tuesday, February 8, 2011
"That Kid Was A Freak Anyway"
Recently an 8th grader at my old middle school pulled a knife on a kid. I was very disturbed at he found it acceptable to bring a weapon to school against a student.
I was repulsed when I discussed the incident with a friend of mine and a teacher.
It turns out that the boy had been bullied and that's why he brought the knife when he was going to fight one of his tormentors. Yes, it's awful that things came to that. But when we were talking about it the last thing my teacher said was "Well, that kid was a freak anyway."
I had to leave the room I was so furious. Yes, he should have gotten help from an adult before taking a violent path. But, this bullying was happening at school, it's partly the teachers negligence to not try and stop this. Not only that but people with the mindset to be able to label children as "freaks" and "losers" cause people to go over the edge. Be an adult and grow up. It was highly unprofessional to call him a freak and not the least bit understanding or considerate. This was all after she said Columbine happened because the kids were weirdos that got bullied. Sorry, but people that think they can call kids like that freaks are the problem. IT'S YOUR FAULT, MAYBE YOU SHOULD OPEN YOUR EYES. PEOPLE LIKE YOU MAKE IT SEEM LIKE THERE IS NO OTHER WAY OUT. PEOPLE LIKE YOU MAKE IT SEEM LIKE NO ONE CARES. People like you make me sick.
Dear Public,
Please acknowledge that everyone has feelings, some people are more venerable than others, and that it is important to be tolerant to those that are different. Don't label someone, don't harass people, and keep your negative thoughts to yourself. Next time you feel the need to make someone feel like a low life put yourself in their shoes. And before you got to call someone a freak, think.
Thanks.
I was repulsed when I discussed the incident with a friend of mine and a teacher.
It turns out that the boy had been bullied and that's why he brought the knife when he was going to fight one of his tormentors. Yes, it's awful that things came to that. But when we were talking about it the last thing my teacher said was "Well, that kid was a freak anyway."
I had to leave the room I was so furious. Yes, he should have gotten help from an adult before taking a violent path. But, this bullying was happening at school, it's partly the teachers negligence to not try and stop this. Not only that but people with the mindset to be able to label children as "freaks" and "losers" cause people to go over the edge. Be an adult and grow up. It was highly unprofessional to call him a freak and not the least bit understanding or considerate. This was all after she said Columbine happened because the kids were weirdos that got bullied. Sorry, but people that think they can call kids like that freaks are the problem. IT'S YOUR FAULT, MAYBE YOU SHOULD OPEN YOUR EYES. PEOPLE LIKE YOU MAKE IT SEEM LIKE THERE IS NO OTHER WAY OUT. PEOPLE LIKE YOU MAKE IT SEEM LIKE NO ONE CARES. People like you make me sick.
Dear Public,
Please acknowledge that everyone has feelings, some people are more venerable than others, and that it is important to be tolerant to those that are different. Don't label someone, don't harass people, and keep your negative thoughts to yourself. Next time you feel the need to make someone feel like a low life put yourself in their shoes. And before you got to call someone a freak, think.
Thanks.
Wednesday, February 2, 2011
The hit movie Mean Girls really influenced my views coming into high school. I thought that the pretty girls would run everything, boys made everything better, and that the cafeteria would have designated areas for each group of people (jocks, goths, nerds, ect).
Today I was looking in the cafeteria over the balcony and I realized; everyone is a freak in their own way, and no one cares. Yes, people sit in the same spots everyday but that doesn't classify that "genre" they belong in. To every individual another group of friends or persons is weird, and in some cases, a freak.
Even if you dress a little differently or act weird, who cares? Chances are down the road it's not going to matter what your favorite shoes were in high school or even your favorite stupid joke. No one is going to remember and everyone knows what you're going through. High school is not the time you need to impress everyone, it's the time to find yourself.
Today I was looking in the cafeteria over the balcony and I realized; everyone is a freak in their own way, and no one cares. Yes, people sit in the same spots everyday but that doesn't classify that "genre" they belong in. To every individual another group of friends or persons is weird, and in some cases, a freak.
Even if you dress a little differently or act weird, who cares? Chances are down the road it's not going to matter what your favorite shoes were in high school or even your favorite stupid joke. No one is going to remember and everyone knows what you're going through. High school is not the time you need to impress everyone, it's the time to find yourself.
Monday, January 31, 2011
Thursday, January 27, 2011
Run Your Mouth
I'm done playing nice, I'm tired of being stepped on. I'm going to be shutting worlds down if this keeps up.
Sunday, January 23, 2011
Friday, January 21, 2011
Tuesday, January 18, 2011
Monday, January 17, 2011
Wednesday, January 12, 2011
This is All I'm Looking For.
sat·is·fac·tion noun \ˌsa-təs-ˈfak-shən\
Definition of SATISFACTION
2
a : fulfillment of a need or want
b : the quality or state of being satisfied : contentment
c : a source or means of enjoyment : gratification
vin·di·cat·edvin·di·cat·ing
Definition of VINDICATE
transitive verb
obsolete : to set free : deliver
Definition of RELEVANCE
1
a : relation to the matter at hand
b : practical and especially social applicability : pertinence
2
: the ability (as of an information retrieval system) to retrieve material that satisfies the needs of the user
Definition of SATISFACTION
2
a : fulfillment of a need or want
b : the quality or state of being satisfied : contentment
c : a source or means of enjoyment : gratification
vin·di·cat·edvin·di·cat·ing
Definition of VINDICATE
transitive verb
obsolete : to set free : deliver
Definition of RELEVANCE
1
a : relation to the matter at hand
b : practical and especially social applicability : pertinence
2
: the ability (as of an information retrieval system) to retrieve material that satisfies the needs of the user
Tuesday, January 11, 2011
What Really is the Good Life?
At Starbucks my friend turned to a man and said, "Excuse me sir, what do you do for a living?" He sold investments for a bank. He was a business man, divorced, wealthy, and moved back here to be with his kids. We questioned him about how he looked at life, what paid off and what didn't, and if we were going to lose our teenage angst. He said "To get anything meaningful you have to work hard at something. Big things pay big the small things play little." He proceeded to tell us about all the places he visited, Russia, Japan, Germany, Switzerland, and many others. I was inspired to be something big. I was inspired until he said, "With money it's easy to be happy. You can do a lot of things to have fun."
The man clearly hated his job when we asked him about it. He wasn't happy that he had to come back to work out here because he didn't like the city. The only thing that seemed to make him happy was money. That's not what I want. I'd rather be poor and doing something I love than be rich and finding my happiness in paper.
The man clearly hated his job when we asked him about it. He wasn't happy that he had to come back to work out here because he didn't like the city. The only thing that seemed to make him happy was money. That's not what I want. I'd rather be poor and doing something I love than be rich and finding my happiness in paper.
Tuesday, January 4, 2011
I found this is my drafts, I don
Today:
Went to school. Found out I have All County Band tomorrow night 6-9pm then Thursday starting at 10am and a concert at 7pm. Also found out I have NKY Select Band auditions Saturday morning.
After school I took Onie home and went to visit Eric. We played some Guitar Hero then went to Chipotle. After we devoured oversized burritos we went to Goodwill where I got a call from my dad. He said tomomrrow he's taking us out to go to Fugi Steakhouse for my birthday. I'm super excited! Eric and I decided to get ugly sweaters for the occasion. Then we went back to his house to watch some Ren and Stimpy.
Today has been good.
Went to school. Found out I have All County Band tomorrow night 6-9pm then Thursday starting at 10am and a concert at 7pm. Also found out I have NKY Select Band auditions Saturday morning.
After school I took Onie home and went to visit Eric. We played some Guitar Hero then went to Chipotle. After we devoured oversized burritos we went to Goodwill where I got a call from my dad. He said tomomrrow he's taking us out to go to Fugi Steakhouse for my birthday. I'm super excited! Eric and I decided to get ugly sweaters for the occasion. Then we went back to his house to watch some Ren and Stimpy.
Today has been good.
Sunday, January 2, 2011
New Year
I realized my first posting for this year was negative. What a great way to start!
My new year was actually a good one. I spent the day with Eric and we went shopping and I got an adorable dress for $10! It's bright red and it made me really happy since I've been looking for one for so long. Then I spent a portion of my evening with Onie. We went to see Burlesque at the discount theater.
This year:
1.spend more time with friends
2.fit better into that dress
3.redo wardrobe
My new year was actually a good one. I spent the day with Eric and we went shopping and I got an adorable dress for $10! It's bright red and it made me really happy since I've been looking for one for so long. Then I spent a portion of my evening with Onie. We went to see Burlesque at the discount theater.
This year:
1.spend more time with friends
2.fit better into that dress
3.redo wardrobe
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