you can say "then they're not worth your time" and it's true, but coming to terms with it and truly being able to let them go is the hardest part. Because I know then I say , "I'll be here for you no matter what" and "I'll be here for you for til the end of time" I mean it, Fiona Apple once sang ,"forever is a promise you can't afford to break" and that's true.
Sad part is I could go on about how I feel and he'll never see this. He'll never open his eyes to what he's putting me through. Never will I be referred to at "Heatherlyn" in conversation, only "my ex". And I will never get that one romance that I never let go of. I didn't break it off, he did, and his heart wasn't even fully in the break up, he still told me he loved me. I think that's the hardest part -knowing there are/were still feelings there but nothing will ever be the same.
"Don't let go to let me know that this is over
And maybe I held on to long but now, I see
The life I left was not the best, and I no longer believe
You're not the one I knew but i'll stay true to my heart and myself

And then I find myself alone out here
Thinking of what we could have been
And I know this loneliness is not for me
And then I find myself alone out here
Thinking of what we could have been
And I know this loneliness is not for me
We should be together for eternity"
-A Change of Pace, Pearl Summer

I'm so Confused.

If you've got someone fighting to stay in your life, why push them out?
If there is someone that only wants to help you and make you happy, why drop them off the planet?

Goals:

1. Make cd about working at Kroger
2. Find myself
3. Become crazy cat lady
4. Eat healthier and lose 15lbs
5. Get my paycheck
6. Raise my grades
7. Get a fish bowl for Herbert, Melvin, and Franklin
8. Go on a date or at least talk to someone
9. Purchase and electric guitar and learn how to play it
10. Have a good day -one day where nothing wrong happens
11. Do laundry
12. Realize who I need to keep and get rid of in my life

This is Me

I'm going to change something every day to make everyday something new. This way, I will always go to bed looking forward to the next day. My days will be extraordinary, I refuse to live an ordinary life.

Another complaint:
I'm tired of being in school and being told what to do/how to do things. I'm perfectly aware of how to take care of myself. I'd rather be out working, making money and starting a life for myself than have people tell me y=mx+b.

October 2, 2010

Realization:
We had good memories, together we shared tons of laughs and shed a few tears. Our hearts were bursting at the seems with love, we thought we had a good chance of really making something. I'd give anything to share these moments with you again, to bring back the laughter and love. Things aren't looking too good but at least I can say I tried.
Letting go is never easy; I'll always keep hanging on. I'll be here for now, but when you finally realize what we could have been I might not still be here waiting. I can't sit here and wait for someone that only seems to want me 40% of the time. I'm always here for you, where are you for me?

Sincerely,
The girl that you now only refer to as "my ex".
The person that always wanted to make you happy no matter what.
The kitten that stood outside your door step waiting to be let in.
The one that wanted to be with you no matter what.
The individual that wanted to work things out.
The woman that just realized what she's really worth.
Heatherlyn