After All, it is My Middle Name

My name is ironic now that I come to think of it. For someone with the middle name of 'Faith', I have very little, almost none. I've lost faith in people, I don't find any in myself, and I find it hard to have faith in a higher being.

Between Rupture and Rapture -Thursday

in the veins of the ultraviolet light,
the phosphor is starting a fire
shooting up in the iodine;
its turning on

rupture the wall around my heart
i feel so lost,
i've been shaking. you can't save me
(forget what the doctor said)
every bird in mid-flight is calling out your name
before it hits the window and it sings the rapture

without a second opinion
the chemicals saturate
to counteract the code
through the double-helix we are twisting
(too scared to let this go)
someone call the head nurse
she's coming to the capitol
to wrap us up and throw us in the dirt,
with a dream thats turning off

rupture the wall around my heart
i feel so lost,
i've been shaking. you can't save me
(forget what the doctor said)
every bird in mid-flight is calling out your name
before it hits the window and it sings the rapture

we're coming to the capitol
the distance between us will rupture
coming to the capitol
in our hearts the disease wont touch us
coming to the capitol

love, now its too late
(love) to turn this off
alone is all we are
even when we we feel this close
it's just a lie we believe

these are the words that escape from our lungs,
rupture the wall ive built around my heart
i've been shaking
you can't save me
im turning off
we can't find a way
out of this moment
were lost in a dark hallway

Sleeping Sickness -City and Colour

I awoke, only to find my lungs empty
Through the night, so it seems I'm not breathing
And now my dreams are nothing like they were meant to be
And I'm Breaking Down
I think I'm breaking down

And I'm afraid to sleep because of what haunts me
Such as living with the uncertainties
That I'll never find the words to say
Which would completely explain
Just how I'm breaking down

Someone come, Someone come and save my life
Maybe I'll sleep when I am dead
But now its like the night is taking up sides
With all the worries that occupy the back of my mind
Could it be? This misery will suffice

I've become, the simple souvenir of someone's kill
Like the sea, I'm constantly changing from calm to ill
Madness fills my heart and soul
As if the great divide could swallow me whole
Oh, how I'm breaking down

Someone come, Someone come and save my life
Maybe I'll sleep when I am dead
But now its like the night is taking up sides
With all the worries that occupy the back of my mind
Could it be? This misery will suffice


Someone come, Someone come and save my life

Someone come, Someone come and save my life

Someone come, Someone come and save my life
Could it be? This misery will suffice

"Find Your Dream"

My Algebra 2 teacher gave my class some life advice and told us to find a dream and try our best achieve it. "Try to be the best you can be so you can live up to your highest potential and you can do anything."
Honestly, my dream cannot be achieved in academics. I don't want a big fancy job, I don't want a lot of money, and I can live without walking the red carpet. All I want is a family. I want to get out of high school, move out, get married, and have a family. I want people to take care of. I want love. I want someone to grow old with. I want a house that I can clean up and decorate. I'll take a secretary job, or something along those lines. My dream isn't in a money making career, it's in a memory making one.
If I had to choose a dream job it would probably be in the arts or speaking.

"That Kid Was A Freak Anyway"

Recently an 8th grader at my old middle school pulled a knife on a kid. I was very disturbed at he found it acceptable to bring a weapon to school against a student.
I was repulsed when I discussed the incident with a friend of mine and a teacher.
It turns out that the boy had been bullied and that's why he brought the knife when he was going to fight one of his tormentors. Yes, it's awful that things came to that. But when we were talking about it the last thing my teacher said was "Well, that kid was a freak anyway."
I had to leave the room I was so furious. Yes, he should have gotten help from an adult before taking a violent path. But, this bullying was happening at school, it's partly the teachers negligence to not try and stop this. Not only that but people with the mindset to be able to label children as "freaks" and "losers" cause people to go over the edge. Be an adult and grow up. It was highly unprofessional to call him a freak and not the least bit understanding or considerate. This was all after she said Columbine happened because the kids were weirdos that got bullied. Sorry, but people that think they can call kids like that freaks are the problem. IT'S YOUR FAULT, MAYBE YOU SHOULD OPEN YOUR EYES. PEOPLE LIKE YOU MAKE IT SEEM LIKE THERE IS NO OTHER WAY OUT. PEOPLE LIKE YOU MAKE IT SEEM LIKE NO ONE CARES. People like you make me sick.
Dear Public,
Please acknowledge that everyone has feelings, some people are more venerable than others, and that it is important to be tolerant to those that are different. Don't label someone, don't harass people, and keep your negative thoughts to yourself. Next time you feel the need to make someone feel like a low life put yourself in their shoes. And before you got to call someone a freak, think.
Thanks.

I bought two pairs of jeggings, white canvas shoes, bright red nail polish, and an eyeliner brush. Do you still love me?

The hit movie Mean Girls really influenced my views coming into high school. I thought that the pretty girls would run everything, boys made everything better, and that the cafeteria would have designated areas for each group of people (jocks, goths, nerds, ect).
Today I was looking in the cafeteria over the balcony and I realized; everyone is a freak in their own way, and no one cares. Yes, people sit in the same spots everyday but that doesn't classify that "genre" they belong in. To every individual another group of friends or persons is weird, and in some cases, a freak.
Even if you dress a little differently or act weird, who cares? Chances are down the road it's not going to matter what your favorite shoes were in high school or even your favorite stupid joke. No one is going to remember and everyone knows what you're going through. High school is not the time you need to impress everyone, it's the time to find yourself.