Dear Dad,

"It's getting to where we only see you every time you want something."
-False, I come and visit everytime I'm in town. (about once every other week)

"Boyfriends come and go, but these people are going to stick around for a while."
-Wives come and go too apparently.

"These people are a family."
-Yes, they're a family. They have eachother and they make up a family. They aren't my family, I don't know them very well. You and I are family. They're your "new family" now because they seem to be everything you think about.

"You're at the age where you get a choice to be apart of this family."
-I really don't. If I choose to not be apart then I loose you. You've already chosen them over me a few times. The bunch of you went to Festival of Lights (which is going on for atleast a month) instead of coming to my band concert (which only happens once).

I really hate feeling this gap between us. I wish we spent more time together like we used to. I liked when I had to learn to drive because I saw you once a week at times. When I found out about the divorce I was torn but also a little glad because I thought I saw an opportunity for us to have more time together. It's a shame I was wrong because I think we could both use it. Although, if we had a day together I think you would realize I'm a different person than you think and I would realize you're different also, and I'm not sure if there would be a positive outcome. After everything, I still think the world of you and I understand that things are weird. I understand that with my age you're probably not going to take me seriously. But please, treat me like an adult. Please get to know me. And please remember that when it all comes down to it, I'm your only true daughter and I love you and I'm always here.

It tears me apart knowing this is the closest I'll ever get to telling you everything. Because we can't confrontational people, and I don't want to open a can of worms. I'm just writing to get it out of my system.

Love,
Your Daughter

Aggravated Doesn't Even Cut It

Don't you dare come crying, "I'm a terrible person." and expect me to show you sympathy. Because that's what you are and I'm fucking sick of being treated like this. Fuck you.

Christmas, 2010

This was a good Christmas. I recieved a Tomtom from my grandparents, a laptop from my dad, and a new camera from my mom and Lowell. I also got some gift cards to cover gas. I enjoyed spending time with my family and I can't wait to see my fabulous boyfriend tomorrow.

I've been playing with my new camera:






ya digg?

I Think the World Would be Much More Beautiful in Black and While

City and Colour - Love Don't Live Here Anymore

I'm in a very good mood, but I wanted to post this song because I really like it.

Love, Love, Love (Love, Love) - As Tall As Lions

Zink showed me this song. I really like this band now.
December 17, 2010
:)

Zink and I just sat in walmart's parking lot and ate food.
Fruit gushers, marshmallows, sobe life water, and kitkats while listening to jass and people watching.

seriously one of my favorite people.

I can’t go on
Deflate the air from both of my lungs
Fears one by one followed me home
And became reality

I’m a failure, I’m a freak
I’m a chip on your shoulder
Last thing you need
Shudder earthquakes at the thought
Of a life that’s meaningless
And with such a promising past
That you can always count on me
To choke the end

I can’t go on
Deflate the air from both of my lungs
I’ll be gone long before daylight shows its face
Well honestly I’m taking big stride
In a race toward normalcy

Where more is more and less is weak
Where love is crap
Emotion speaks for us all
What’s really right
Who’s who to say
I can survive alone again
Figured that out the hardest way
The forecast calls for fire
Flame sounds nice today

I can’t go on
Deflate the air from both of my lungs
I’ll be gone long before daylight shows its face
It’s old and worn and its mouth smiles no more
Now I’m worth my weight in potting soil
Maybe I tried too hard to care
I left a note on your bed
I don’t recall what it said
Something like how I’m completely miserable
And how I’m better off dead

I can’t go on
Deflate the air from both of my lungs
I’ll be gone long before daylight shows its face
Its old and worn and its mouth smiles no more
I’m worth my weight in potting soil
Maybe I tried too hard to care
I can’t go on
Deflate the air from both of my lungs
-Bayside,I Can't Go On

This is my favorite song. It's also how I feel half the time.

Me in Two Words: